you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
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Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
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Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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