I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
