happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
