Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
