did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
