he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
