Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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