I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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