So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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