she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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