Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize