It's Friday. Sex?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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