when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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