I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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