So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Damn victory sex feels great
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