Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
