batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I don't deserve a penis
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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