If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
