they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
