your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
