I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
