How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
