just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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