My sheets look like a crime scene.
I need help removing her.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
