I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
