hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
