Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
