When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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