So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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