I cockslap morals
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
