I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
