and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
