I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
