I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
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Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
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So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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