My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
