the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
