He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
