Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize