Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
