so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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