The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
