It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
