She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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