My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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