I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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