Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
