Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
