you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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