Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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