he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
