i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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