I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
only you would photoshop your dick
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
