There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
