I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
