I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
