Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
