bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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