i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
