Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
this hospital has no fireball
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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