So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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