Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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