That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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