i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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