Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
