We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
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