I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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