when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
