Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
