Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
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Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
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I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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