I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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