Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
