He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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