You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
